Weathered
by Verovex
Summary: Their relationship was something to admire, something he could hold onto, and something he could cherish. Axel was all Roxas dreamed out, all Roxas cared about, and all Roxas wanted. Leave it to war to ripple through all they could've had. (Originally Posted: March 2011)


**1942.**

 _"They say everything reminds you of home when you've been on the battlefield for so long. The air reminds me of oceans. The mud I sleep in reminds me of sand. The food we eat reminds me of the coconuts back on the islands. But none of it's enough to disguise how much I miss you, and how every day I hope we get the call that this fight will end – and yet tragedy continues to prevail… and I have a feeling the more friends that die around me, the closer I am to meeting my own fatal end."_

From the confines of a cold bedroom, a blond titled the piece of paper against the candle, to read it over for what would've been the fiftieth time. His blue eyes scanned over the sloppy lettering, for any indication of some secret message he hadn't read, and for the fiftieth time he realized there was none. The same letter he held in his hand had come in the mail two years ago, and it was the last letter he had gotten from the original author. The blond was almost tempted to bring the letter closer to the candlelight, to watch it engulf itself in flames, but he knew that was a little unfair to who had sent it to him. He knew this was what he signed up for when he said goodbye to his best friend three years ago, he knew that this would happen. He turned the piece of paper over once more, looking at the chicken-scratch date: November 24th, 1940.

"The radio's announcing the latest list of casualties if you want to have a listen." A voice called from the blond's bedroom door. Slowly but surely, the blond nodded and got up from his bed, ignoring the creak it made like it always did on cold days.

 _"Ilya Mayan, Eli Noors, David Sparks, Troy Goodwin, Matthew Vinyard…"_ The soft girl's voice listed from the radio as the blond sat down into the empty loveseat in the small living room.

"Why do you bother listening?" The two younger occupants of the room glanced over at their uncle standing in the doorframe, giving them both a stern look, waiting for a response.

"The same reason Sora listens." The blond replied, looking over to his brother who was shying away in his own seat. "The same reason you used to listen."

Their uncle scowled, turning on his heel out of the room and started to climb the stairs to his bedroom, his amputated leg roughly landing on each step.

"Roxas!" Sora whispered, once their uncle was out of earshot. "Why would you say that?"

"Someone needed to." Roxas shrugged, listening intently to the radio again as it rang out another list of names. They both held their breath as the radio host finished the list, and bid their sympathies to the families of lives lost. "I guess that's another day."

"That's good though, right?" Sora asked, his voice still hushed. "It means they're still alive, right?"

"It means there's another day they could die." Roxas shook his head. "Who knows where they are, Sor. I'd rather they went painlessly than died slowly, and we both know the longer they're out there, the longer it's taking them to die."

"What if they're already…?" Sora paused, his lips thinning as he thought of the word.

"Dead?" Roxas finished, "Until their names are called… don't think about it."

Somewhere in Roxas's mind, he hoped they were dead, but for his innocent brother's sake, he didn't want to implant such a thought. They both waited until midnight for the next list of dead bodies and headed off to bed; this was their routine every night, as it had been for three years. There hadn't been any recent happiness or smiles in the Noble household, because once the war had begun, they knew their lives would forever be changed. Roxas found sleep hard to find, as they were normally filled with nightmares, and he knew from the sound of Sora's screams in the middle of the night, his twin was dreaming of similar things.

 **…**

 _"It was hard to say goodbye, I hope you know that. Every day I wonder what I could've done to get out of it, but you know it would've been too difficult to say no to the men in suits at my door with shotguns. You would like the people here… some are a little more serious than others, but I swear everything here is like a brotherhood. We all rely on each other and have each other's backs, but I guess that's pretty obvious with what we signed up for. There are talks about training me to be a runner, I'm not entirely sure what that entails… but it has me nervous. I'm sure you'd make some joke about me having the legs for it, but height isn't very advantageous out here. I miss you."_

 _ **Dated – July 25th, 1942**_

 **…**

When the war started, it wasn't mandatory for people to join, but as the military's numbers grew scarce and the impending threat of the rebellion increased, the allies enforced conscription. It was the only thing they could do to stop the war from spreading into the homeland. Every man on Destiny Islands who was the tender age of eighteen or older was forced to sign their life away, leave their family, and join the war. Many boys felt like it was a chance to prove their patriotism for their worlds, a chance to really kick it to the man, but the sad fact was most of them would never make it back home.

So when the mothers, sisters, and boys too young to join said goodbye to their friends, fathers, and brothers, it was like saying goodbye to a burning ship – the radio program that listed the most recent deaths was just a reminder that that large sum didn't even compare to the casualties that likely overcrowded the military hospitals, or the large dump of dead bodies that had remained unidentified.

It was all but the simple reality to the situation at hand, and one Roxas had sourly came to accept. They had already lost their father to the first war, ten years prior, and seeing as how Roxas's and Sora's mother died giving birth to them, they needed a legal guardian, their uncle Leon was it. He was a humourless, strict, and yet patient man – and although they were sure Leon had never wanted two kids to take care of, they had had some sort of positive effect on him through the years.

Leon was never their dad, he had always been their uncle. He didn't like the word dad, because Leon never wanted Sora or Roxas to forget who their real parents were. He wasn't replacing them in any way, he was taking them in. Leon had struggled at first, balancing his career and two unruly babies, but he had help along the way. Leon had a few lifelong friends from childhood that would babysit when he left for months at a time. From Tifa, to Yuffie, to Aerith, and to Cloud – Sora and Roxas had grown up with several types of personalities, each of which having some sort of effect on the twins.

Comparatively, Sora and Roxas were opposites. Roxas was reserved, Sora was a pure extrovert. The brunette enjoyed socializing with strangers, expressing his inner most thoughts to whoever would listen, and was one of the bubbliest people you could ever meet. The blond enjoyed fine art, music, cross-examining and then deciphering people before they even met him, had a fairly cold shoulder, and yet somewhere under his deep, dark, moody shell… he eventually let people in. However, both twins were the same in some respects. Although Sora liked to tell people strange facts about his life, he didn't give his trust away very quickly – and neither did Roxas. They both understood that friends come and go, as well as loved ones, and the more you give away, the less you get back. Neither wanted to feel like they were losing themselves to anyone, so that when they eventually (finally) wanted to give their hearts to someone, said someone's would never leave them.

Who knew a war would be the exact thing to make both twins regret ever giving their hearts away.

 **…**

 _"What if you never come back?"_

 _"I'll always be right here, Sora." The male pressed a finger to the brunette's chest, causing Sora's face to redden._

 _"That's not enough. I can't continue loving you if you're not right here to make everything okay."_

 _"Things are only so bad when you make them that way."_

 _"I don't want to miss you. I want you here."_

 _"I would do anything to stay." He sighed, moving his hand from the brunette's chest to Sora's wet cheek. "I would do anything to make you smile."_

 _The brunette couldn't help but chuckle at the remark, knowing he could never be this unhappy around him, it was near impossible._

 _"Promise me you'll come back alive."_

 _"You know I can't promise that."_

 _"T-then… promise me you'll always love me."_

 _"I would never stray." He raised his pinkie finger, holding it for Sora to interlace it with his own. "You'll always be my number one."_

 **…**

Roxas had inevitably been the stronger of the twins. The brunette was a ticking time bomb with emotions. Although to be fair, Sora always had more drama going in his life than Roxas, and therefore could handle himself in more social situations than Roxas ever could. However, when their best friends had been enlisted in the army… Sora cried every night for six months. Everything was an emotional roller coaster with Sora… don't say this, don't do that, don't bring that picture out! For a while, anything and everything reminded the brunette about his long-gone best friend.

And yet, on the other side of the spectrum Roxas had lost his best friend too, and in the midst of comforting Sora and telling him everything would be alright, Roxas had also come to grips with whatever emotional distress he was also going through. It was rare that the blond ever gave in to tears; he was the rock in their twin-ship, if Roxas gave himself to whatever sadness he was feeling… Sora would just turn into a ball of goo, forever lost to depression and misguided hope.

Roxas couldn't do that.

He was the rock.

 **…**

 _"Remember how you told me you'd kill me if I didn't come back alive? I think I could punch you for it. Three of our closest friends from the battalion have died in 24 hours. I'm not sure how to handle it, and I wish you were here to offer some sort of sarcastic advice to give me a reason to smile. I don't know how much longer I can live off canned peas and earth worms, but I'm starting to think they're not as nutritious as people put on. I forgot to tell you, but I had to shave my head. They ask me to shave it at least once every two weeks, something about my red hair being waytoo bright. You'd get a kick out of that. Kid, don't forget about me. Christmas came and went, and I hated not being able to see that goofy grin on your face when you opened your gifts. I hope you got plenty. I hope Sora turned you into a blubbering idiot for another wacky, home-made gift. It's almost 1940; maybe this means the war will end soon. I miss you."_

 _ **Dated – December 27th 1939.**_

 **…**

 _"Don't tell me you'll still love me when you get back."_

 _"Why not?"_

 _"What happens if you come back a completely different person?"_

 _"That won't change my feelings for you."_

 _"What if it changes how I feel about you?"_

 _"Then I guess I'll do my best not to change."_

 _"You can't just try, change isn't something that you choose, it's just something that happens."_

 _"Roxas, you make it incredibly hard to tell you something that you can hold onto when I leave."_

 _"Tell me you love me."_

 _"I love you, more than anything."_

 _"If you die out there, I'm going to find you and kill you a second time."_

 _"I'll hold you to that."_

 **…**

"I hate you for leaving." Roxas muttered against the cold wind in his room. It had been awhile since they had any heat; Destiny Islands was using up their resources for everything else but paying attention to the necessities of their people. The blond turned to blow out his candle and tried to find sleep.

He should've known that hating someone for doing their duty was petty and immature, but it would be a few months until he turned eighteen and he didn't mind being petty and immature until then. He and Sora had been told that they would be attending a college off the coast of Traverse Town, and although the twins weren't pleased that they wouldn't be following in Leon's footsteps as part of the army, they didn't really want to say no. They had full scholarships with their grades, and Leon had put his networking to good use.

However, Roxas already had other plans for when he turned eighteen, and it wasn't his intention on going to Traverse Town at all.

 **…**

"Are you sure you don't want to tell Leon about this?"

"I don't have to tell Leon this." Roxas looked at himself briefly in his bathroom's mirror, shrugging off the question and combing his blond hair to the side – to no avail though, it regained its gravity, shooting up in whatever direction it wanted to go. "He would want this for us."

The brunette paced back and forth while Roxas brushed his teeth and started their daily routine. Sometimes the brunette would stop, start to say something, close his mouth, and then continue his same circular pace behind Roxas. Finally he came to a stop, looking at Roxas sternly with his arms crossed. "They're going to make you shave off your hair."

"Last I checked they'll be making you shave off yours too." Roxas replied with his toothbrush still in his mouth.

"Yeah… I know." The brunette sighed, running his hands through his spiky brown hair. He had at least two inches more than Roxas did.

"Sora, when do you think we should let him know?"

"Let who know what when?" There wasn't even a knock on the door from their interrupter. Both boys stiffened at Leon's voice, Roxas spit out his toothpaste, wiping his face clean with a nearby hand towel. Sora scratched the back of his head uneasily, looking up at their uncle.

"W-we were just talking about school." Sora quickly stuttered out, Leon giving him a look that said I don't believe you.

"To think you both turn eighteen today and haven't matured since six."

Leon looked between both boys, and then pulled two boxes from his pocket and tossed it to both of them. Sora and Roxas looked at each other briefly and then back at their uncle. They had never gotten a present from Leon on their birthdays or any holidays for that matter.

"It's not going to blow up, just open the damn things." Leon scowled. He was never the giving type, but he figured the day his nephews finally became men, he should do at least something for them.

Roxas opened his first, pulling out the dog tag slowly and looking it over. Sora followed suit, pulling out another dog tag; both read Squall Leonhart, Brigadier General, Destiny Islands, First Worlds War.

"Aren't these your only dog tags?" Roxas asked, turning it over in the light.

"I don't exactly need them anymore, right?" Leon pointed towards his leg, and both boys knew not to say anything further.

It was June now, the warmth was almost too much to bear on the islands, but it was beautiful. Officially, Roxas was eighteen years old and four hours, while Sora was eighteen years old, three hours and fifty-five minutes. Another crude realization at how five minutes can make one twin years more mature than the other. Roxas went back to brushing his teeth, while Sora took to pacing again. Leon rolled his eyes, figuring teenagers will be teenagers, and left the twins' shared bathroom.

"He thinks we're going to school." Sora finally spoke, after waiting to hear Leon's gait reach the last stair to the ground floor. "He thinks that by the end of July we'll be on another world going to school."

The war was at a stand-still, the allies were losing and the islands had started to call women to arms. The only reason Sora and Roxas had gotten out of it at all was because of Leon. Men would've already been at their door bright and early to haul them off to get enlisted had their uncle not intervened with the procedure years ago. It was a death sentence, being sent away, and Leon knew that. He wanted neither of his adoptive-sort-of-sons getting killed in a war that didn't involve them.

"He would want us to follow our dreams."

"We're not following our dreams, we're following them." Sora hissed. "This isn't some courageous act, it's a selfish act, and I'm starting to think we should just wait for them. Here. Alive."

"Are you scared, Sor?"

"No." Sora replied, "If I can beat you at everything, I think I can fight in a war."

"Then what are you so scared of?"

"That we get there and they'll be dead." Sora frowned – the same frustrating frown he always wore when the discussion came around about their friends being dead. When Roxas thought about it, he didn't remember the last time his brother smiled, and it was hard to pinpoint the last time Sora laughed either.

"You know Riku would do anything to see you smile."

Sora's face completely faltered, his lips forming a straight line as his eyes twitched slightly at their edges. The blond knew Sora was about to cry and he instantly felt guilty.

However, something completely out of the norm happened as the brunette stifled back a sob, took a deep breath, and tried to smile even just a tad. Riku's voice rang several times through Sora's head, their last conversation having been three and a half years ago and yet still fresh in his mind like it had happened yesterday.

"H-he can't be dead." Sora sputtered out, his hand coming up to clutch at his chest. His voice was small as he continued. "I would've felt something, right? It would hurt more if he was dead, wouldn't it? You would know if Axel was dead."

Roxas nodded slowly, the thought running through his mind. He and Axel had that type of connection, just like Sora and Riku did. It was like when Roxas felt like shit, his obnoxious best friend always knew. It was impossible to keep anything from him because by the time it registered in the blonde's head that he felt lousy, Axel was there to make the world a better place. Everything was brighter, warmer, happier with Axel around. Roxas couldn't remember the last time he had a real laugh, just the same as Sora.

Because the last time had been when the four were together before two of them left to die.

 **…**

For several years Roxas hadn't been friends with very many people. He never had the chance to call someone his best friend. By the time Roxas was twelve, he was cynical to the idea that best friends were even possible. It was such a whirlwind the way people came and went, and Roxas was just used to not letting people in. He never played like normal kids did, he preferred his arts and crafts, learning piano, and doing anything but having fun like most kids were doing. Kids his age were just so useless the way they tried to have fun and act so immature and silly. Roxas didn't like it one bit. He just wanted a normal friend that liked the things he liked, that talked the way he talked, or was as laid-back as he was laid-back. For twelve, Roxas had his mind set what kind of best friend he wanted, so when the kids tried to play with him, the blond was quick to judge and say no thanks.

Sora on the other hand, always socializing Sora, typically felt bad for Roxas's rejections and generally befriended them at least for a few days until they moved on. The brunette had a best friend since he was four, his ever-loyal Riku, who had always been Sora's true friend. There was no one out there who could touch their friendship. There was a connection between the two that could be comparable to love – but it would take a few years before either would admit it. They were halves to each other, something Roxas missed during his younger years.

Up until the new neighbours moved in across the street a month before Roxas's thirteenth birthday.

Roxas, Sora, and Riku were all seated on Leon's porch, watching while the moving trucks came and went – at least three of them, and the grimly looking moving personnel carried out an enormous amount of furniture and boxes into the once abandoned home. The first thing Roxas noticed was that they had movers to do all their work, which meant the family had money. The second thing Roxas noticed was that the man overseeing the work being down was tall and thin, with red hair in a ponytail that must've stretched down to his lower back. The third thing Roxas noticed was the teenage boy with the same fire truck red hair rolling a yo-yo up and down with each flick of his wrist.

"Who the hell plays with yo-yos?" Roxas said out-loud, interrupting whatever conversation Sora and Riku were having.

"Who knows? Why don't you go ask him?" Sora replied inattentively, nudging Riku playfully.

"Tch." Roxas scowled, feigning no interest whatsoever to their new neighbour, at least… that's what he told Sora.

However, like Roxas so plainly pointed out, Axel was playing with a yo-yo, who the hell plays with a yo-yo at fifteen? Well, Axel did. Not only did he play with yo-yos, but he listened to alternative rock, played soccer, hated horror movies, loved romantic comedies, and enjoyed the company of one twelve-year-old blond named Roxas. The blond tried not to care when Axel first came to the door to introduce himself, or when the redhead befriended Riku and was constantly over at their house, but it was when Leon left for a business trip and no one but Axel's family could babysit, that Roxas had to pay attention to him.

It took at least a week of Axel's pestering before Roxas warmed up to him. The redhead was intelligent, witty, sarcastic, and incredibly humorous. Although he was an obnoxious ass, he was everything Roxas could possibly want in a best friend, even if he didn't want to admit it. The next two years were so fast-paced that Roxas couldn't quite pinpoint the exact time he had fallen in love with Axel, but he knew he had. Soon, Roxas and Sora were fourteen, Riku was fifteen, and Axel was seventeen.

The only thing age had ever interrupted, was anything intimate. Sure, Axel owned Roxas's first kiss, but everything after that… they never got a chance to do. The redhead wouldn't allow it, neither did Sora for that matter. Oh sure, the brunette could experiment all he wanted with Riku, but he wouldn't let his older brother do anything with Axel because of a three year difference. Not that Roxas minded… it made everything much more unique. Their relationship was something to admire, something he could hold onto, and something he could cherish. He knew Axel never once cared about sex or pressuring Roxas, because he was the perfect gentleman.

He was all Roxas dreamed out, all Roxas cared about, and all Roxas wanted to be with.

 **…**

 _"I wonder what you'd think of me now, knowing the type of people I've killed… the families I've destroyed… the nightmares that haunt me. I know you knew I'd change, but I never thought it would be this bad. I thought it would be easy to stay the same… I thought it would be easy to make jokes, make people smile, have the hope that things would end soon, but I've started to realize otherwise. I haven't seen the sun in days. The clouds are dark, I've inhaled more smoke than people should, I don't wake up without coughing for at least an hour, I'm exhausted… dehydrated… lonely. Why did I sign up for this? This isn't worth it. I miss you."_

 _ **Dated –September 15th, 1940**_

 **…**

 _"What happens if you come back and I've changed?"_

 _"Why do you need to make things more complicated than they are, Roxy? I'll always love you."_

 _"What if… I've moved on."_

 _"Like you could resist my charm."_

 _"I mean it Axel, what if I find someone else along the way? Someone my own age?"_

 _"Oh, Roxas…" The redhead outstretched his arms, pulling Roxas into a long embrace. "Who else would be willing to deal with your mood changes and temper tantrums?"_

 _"Someone would."_

 _"But I already do, and I'm not giving you up. Besides, if you did find someone, I'll kick their ass for ever thinking they could replace someone as incredible as me."_

 **…**

Somewhere in the back of Roxas's mind, he knew the letters were going to end by that point. Every letter around that time showed Axel in a different light – one Roxas didn't know existed. He knew the redhead would go through his own changes while away, but the person behind the letters wasn't the same. It was like going through years of seeing someone in such an unblemished way that anything made to obscure that picture would need to be inconceivable. Axel was always care-free, sarcastic in a humorous way, and never let a frown graze his face longer than five minutes.

Axel was Roxas's undeniable knight in shining armour, and the blond could never admit that the love of his life could be a villain in disguise.

"Roxas, I think you need to come listen to the radio." Sora called from their bedroom's doorway. There was a cautious way to Sora's choice of words. "It's something… important."

The blond was expecting the worse. It was only two weeks until they were to be enlisted, and Roxas didn't want a reason not to go. He thought that as soon as he was seated, Leon on the love seat, Sora on the long couch, and he on the only sole chair in the room – that it would be the listing of the deaths for that day and Axel would be one of them… up until he heard a rather familiar voice on the radio.

 _"We've taken Neverland back, and we're working on Port Royal but the allies forces are growing scarce. It's getting harder and harder to fight every day."_ The distinguishable voice spoke from the speaker. The blonde's clutched onto his seat, effectively turning his knuckles white with how hard he was holding on. _"We're in need of more forces. Please, if you're listening from the ally worlds and are of age, enlist."_

 _"Thank you, Lieutenant Sparks, hailing from Destiny Islands."_ The girl's voice spoke softly, _"we had been speaking to him from the regained world of Neverland just a few hours ago. Now to the list of deaths-"_

There were several condolences, and Roxas could've sworn he heard the name Seifer, but he couldn't be bothered. The only voice going through his head was Axel's, practically telling him to enlist in the army. It was so obvious, Axel would've remembered that this year was when he turned eighteen, and he made a special announcement that would obviously reach him. It was a sign and Axel was alive! This was another sign. He was even a Lieutenant! What a feat…

Axel was always good at everything. There was no doubt he shined in his platoon, and now he was in charge! It was all a sign. He would join the army, making a special request to join the same company of Lieutenant Sparks, and surely with Leon's connections it would be easy. Then he'd be reunited with Axel and everything would be all fine in the world. A content smile stretched across Roxas's face, he didn't even realize Leon and Sora had been trying to get his attention, as he stood from his chair and walked back upstairs to his room. His plan was working out perfect. He had never been happier about something. He didn't even notice how immature everything sounded until Sora confronted him a few days later.

"Roxas, you've been in this stupid looking daze since you heard Axel on the radio."

"And?"

"You really still think you want to go out there and look for him?" Sora went to sit next to Roxas on the blonde's twin size bed. Roxas put down the book he had been reading and sighed. Sora's cerulean eyes were burning a hole into his skull.

"Yes." Roxas replied simply, tilting his book back up to end the conversation. The brunette tore it from his hands, putting it down neatly beside him.

"Roxas, this isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows. Joining the army is serious business, there are rules out there! They're strict, they're mean, and they'll kick our ass! They're going to make us fire guns for fuck's sakes!" Sora cried out. "You've never even seen a gun, let alone fired one!"

"I thought you wanted to go."

"But I've been thinking… what happens when we get out there? They're going to suit us up and send us into a fucking war zone, Rox. We're going to die out there and what happens when Riku and Axel figure that out? They'll know we did it for them. They know we have immunity to the conscription. Riku and Axel are stronger than us, they can handle that shit… we can't." Sora started to fidget with his thumbs, and Roxas knew the brunette was bothered. He didn't want Sora to die out there, and truly Roxas had talked him into it. He didn't want this to be his fault.

"Sor, then don't go. Wait for Riku back here, 'k?" Roxas placed his hand on the brunette's shoulder, looking through sympathetic eyes. He didn't want his brother's blood on his hands.

Sora's expression grew from stressed to soft as he took in the blonde's words. The brunette should've known something like this would be uttered from his less-than-a-few-minutes older brother, but not the request that Sora shouldn't go at all. There was nothing more nerve-wracking than Roxas going headfirst into a war he didn't belong in than leaving his twin brother behind. If they were going to die, at least die together. Sora could live with Riku passing on; he wouldn't be able to if both his brother and boyfriend did. Besides, Sora was always the first to jump brainlessly into stupid things; like the one time Sora built a tire swing that could swing you into the river, and forgot to check if he had tied it properly. Roxas sprained both his wrist and ankle and refused to talk to his brother for a week.

Roxas was always the one who thought things through, Sora wasn't. While great things were expected from Roxas, Sora was allowed to goof off and make mistakes, so still after years and years of a clean record, Roxas was still scared of making one around Leon. Leon was beyond intimidating, even though he was family, hell hath no fury like pissed off Uncle Leon. He could only grasp so much from his rowdy nephews. There were times he didn't know what to do - from their snarky attitudes, to Roxas's quiet nature, to Sora's abundance for hyperactivity and poor grades; Leon himself was at a loss for words, except for when it came to the war. He didn't say very much these days, but when he held a proactive position in the royal military - he had nothing but opinions. Including those that disapproved of Roxas and Sora ever joining.

Leon had seen his fair share of deaths in his years, but it was that of his long-time friend that made his mind up about resigning. It was only five years ago now, but the scars obviously remained. Sora and Roxas knew not to breathe a word about the issue, but there were still several pictures hung up around the house that seldom reminded Leon of the friendship past. Sora also thought Cloud looked a little bit like Roxas, with the blond spiky hair and the consistent scowl on his face. Leon would always smirk at the comment, agreeing occasionally whenever Sora brought it up if Cloud was visiting, but they rarely spoke about him these days. It was just too hard on them.

It was a ridiculous mission that Leon knew would end badly, but they agreed to it anyways. They thought it would be easy, get in get out, and you're out of there - at least that's what they told one another. But by the time the ambush came, the adrenaline rush kicked in, and the multitude of dead bodies collected on the floor - Leon was well aware that they probably weren't going to make it. Everything moved by so quickly, and although the two had the upper hand, they had to slip up at some point and Leon did. He was face to face with one enemy, with another one in the distance setting up to shoot him from behind. By the time Leon had killed the one in front, he turned around to face the next person, the shot had just been fired. He could feel his life slip away, time stopped, and by the time things had regained speed he realized he was clutching onto Cloud for dear life. The blond had stepped in, aiming and firing a quick shot towards the enemy, but taking the bullet intended for Leon without a second thought.

 _"Why would you do that?"_ Leon stuttered out, falling to the ground in despair as Cloud clutched onto his chest where the bullet had impacted. "I should've taken that bullet, you idiot."

 _"You have family waiting for you."_ Cloud whispered hoarsely. _"I couldn't do that to Sora and Roxas. Take care of them Squall, don't ever let them get into what we got into."_

 _"I promise."_ Leon grasped onto the dying man's hand, pulling it to his heart. _"I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess."_

 _"I was happy to spend it with you, you know that."_ Cloud smiled weakly. _"Remember who your heart belongs to, alright?"_

Talking about their relationship these days was taboo, but Sora and Roxas felt partially responsible for the loneliness that flickered in Leon's eyes every once in a while. It was hard not to think of Cloud as family to them, so they tried to only speak of him behind closed doors when Leon wasn't around. They never really realized what Cloud meant to their uncle until recently, and only because Leon made a comment about it.

 _"Why do you always refer to them as your friends?"_

Sora and Roxas looked at each other and then Leon, confused and startled by his random question. _"Who?"_ They replied at the same time.

 _"Axel and Riku,"_ Leon clarified, stirring his spoon around in his coffee mug.

 _"Because they_ are _our friends,"_ Roxas said, still confused at what direction Leon was trying to make their conversation go.

 _"I see the way Roxas looks at Axel and Sora at Riku,"_ Leon laughed. _"I'm not oblivious. It's the same way Cloud looked at me."_

It had been four years without a single comment about him and Leon chose such a random, incredulous, out-of-the-closet thing to say that neither twin knew what to reply to.

 _"I know it's difficult, but Riku and Axel are strong. It will all work out if you believe it will."_ Leon concluded, with a small smile on his face. He turned on his heel, coffee mug in hand and left the kitchen to the living room.

Roxas never thought Leon of someone he could talk to about emotional things. He probably should have. All those years of confusion and frustration were probably wasted on being afraid of confiding in his uncle. Sora was the same. They would regret it later on, they were sure, but they never gave him enough credit where it was to. The twins were his only bit of family left and even though he may never say it out loud – they filled the void in his life. It was the reasoning behind why he fought so hard to make sure they never had to.

 **…**

 _"There's this one nurse that's taken a liking to me. You can tell she's sweet on me, and I'm not too sure how to tell her that I've already got a blond waiting back at home for me. It's hard to say no to people, I hope you know. That's always been the way I am, but with you around you'd think it would be easier. I'm sure you know better than anyone I would never cheat on you, but there's no harm in being nice, right? The boys out here think we're crushing on each other. I just want to make sure if word ever gets to you somehow, you know I would never do anything to hurt you. I miss you."_

 _ **Dated – January 29th, 1940**_

 **…**

The days were closing in. Sometimes it felt like Roxas knew what to expect from what he was doing. But most days it felt like he was running in blind.

"What about Leon?" Sora asked him one evening.

"He's strong."

"He needs us."

"He never needed us. We were just a healthy addition to his life." Roxas smiled gently, lifting a hand to rest on Sora's shoulder. "He'll be fine without us."

"I don't just mean while we're gone, Rox," Sora clarified, shrugging off his brother's hand. "What happens if we die? He'll be alone. We're his only family left. It just seems so selfish."

"Then don't die."

"You make it sound so easy."

 **…**

"It feels like just yesterday your dad phoned me to say you two were born."

"Aw, Leon... you're not going to get all mushy and corny on us, are you?" Roxas teased, nudging him lightly as the older brunette rubbed the sides of his eyes.

"Yeah! We're supposed to be the teary-eyed ones!" Sora laughed, "we're the ones that have to cook and do our own laundry now, but at least we don't have mother hen looming over us all the time now."

"It wasn't particularly easy to take care of you two, you know." Leon shot back, a large grin on his face. "I'm proud of you two. I truly thought you'd do something stupid with Axel and Riku gone and all, but I'm glad you're both mature enough to stay back and get an education. You won't regret it in the end."

The twins glanced at each, a flicker of guilt flashing between them, but Roxas was quick to respond. "We've always wanted to make you proud."

It wasn't a blatant lie and at least it was mostly true. They did just want to make their uncle proud, even as they faked waving him off, faked getting on the right bus, only to tell the bus driver they forgot something, and raced off to the bus that took them the completely opposite direction. The man at the front scolded them briefly, but once they gave him their paperwork, the scowl lightened with the news that the island's war hero's adopted sons were joining the mission.

"I hope you don't expect any special treatment here, boys." The man spoke, both twins shook their head.

"We realize that, sir." Roxas spoke first, Sora nodded his head as he took their bags and put them in an unoccupied seat. "We're just grateful for the opportunity."

"To you, I'm Major Highwind," the man spoke again, both boys saluted him in respect, recognizing the high ranking. "I knew your uncle on a personal basis, and it's a shame we don't have him out there. I hope you both live up to our expectations."

The boys took their seats, noticing then how packed the bus was. They recognized most of them from their high school, but knew none of their names. A lot of them had graduated a year before.

"I feel bad." Sora whispered, once the Major had stepped away from them. "Leon truly believed we were going to school."

"Of course he did." Roxas muttered back. "That was the point, wasn't it?"

"Well... yeah... but don't you feel bad?"

"It's a little late to have cold feet, Sor." Roxas motioned to the front of the bus, as the bus gave a rumbling start and started to roll away from its stop. The captain began to yell instruction from the front of the bus, most of which the two missed as they conversed.

"But what's going to happen when he finds out?"

"I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"But-"

"Sora, you need to focus on what's happening right now. We'll worry about everything else when we have to, okay? I don't want you thinking about other things when you're handed a rifle and you need to fight, okay?"

"All right."

 **…**

No conversation could prepare them for the three weeks that followed their arrival to Port Royal. They had both been tasked to a dismounted light infantry company, but it hadn't been one Riku or Axel were a part of. From what they'd heard, the company itself had taken heavy casualties, and it wasn't uncommon for it to be dissolved entirely because they kept losing everyone.

"Zulu 2-1, steady up." Their Sergeant called from the front of their hut. "We're moving out. We're connecting with a mounted infantry unit who's pushing with a frontal assault from the North, while we prepare to infiltrate from the West once they've gained ground."

Integration into a life of war had been a simple conversation with the Major while travelling to the Port. There was no formal instruction, things were moving too quickly with the War. They couldn't sacrifice anyone to educate the new soldiers properly, it was a waste of resources, but that meant they hardly knew how to take care of themselves. They knew nothing about weapon drills, stoppages, or even how to reload correctly.

They'd been tossed unceremoniously in the mix of men who looked haggard and ruined. It was terrifying. The Sergeant was their acting commanding officer, since they had lost every other qualified Second Lieutenant.

Sora and Roxas turned to look at each other, pulling their fatigues over their shoulders and saddling their weapons over their shoulders.

"This is it." Roxas muttered, looking down at the boxes of ammo he had in his hands, still not entirely sure what to do with it.

"We haven't even seen them." Sora whispered, pleadingly.

"There was never a guarantee of it, at least they'll know we came for them."

"Sir!" The Sergeant came to attention, his hand coming to salute as a man returned it, entering the hut. The boys quickly raised from their cots, coming to attention as well. The light from outside shrouded the officer. "What can I do for you?"

"You have a Private Noble here, correct, Sergeant?" The lanky man spoke, hands at ease on his lower back.

"Two, actually, sir."

"Seems we got a package deal. Have them both report to the Command Tent as soon as possible."

"We are about to link up with-"

"With Lieutenant Sparks, yes, I'm aware. This will only take a couple of minutes, I implore you." The officer took his leave, not even waiting for a salute from the Sergeant as he left.

Sergeant Court marched over to them, eyes squinted. "I'm not entirely sure why two privates are being summoned to the Command Post, but try not to be an embarrassment."

"Yes, Sergeant." The twins said in unison.

They followed their very reluctant superior to the Command Post, instructing them to ensure they saluted the moment they entered. He gave them specific orders to refrain from looking anyone in the eye, to not speak until spoken to, and to remain stock-still. "You might have been invited, but act like a fly on the wall." He lifted the malleable plastic entrance to the tent, motioning for them to enter.

There was only one person in the tent, neither twin looked at him directly as they brought their feet together, raising their fingers to their eyebrows, until Sora lost all composure and physically dropped to his knees.

"You're alive." Sora breathed, clutching a hand to his chest. Everything felt so hazy. Roxas looked at his brother with concern, stepping out of the proper drill movement to drop down next to him.

"Sor-"

"No, no, please continue. I really wanted to have one of you call me Sir, it was going to be the highlight of my entire time here." The officer teased from the chair he'd been seated at, finally raising from it when Sora had turned into a shaking mess.

Roxas finally ignored the orders he'd been given, looking over to meet Riku's concerned stare. His heart stopped, the only thing coming to mind being a repeat of what his brother had just said: "You're alive."

Riku walked passed the two of them, clasping the ties to the tent shut and finally moving to sit in front of them. He pulled the brunette into his arms, having him sit in between his legs, as Sora nestled himself against his chest.

"This is a dream, right?" Sora asked quietly, slowly coming to focus on Riku's features. He placed a tentative palm to his cheek, content to find it warm. "You're real."

"Seems so." Riku pressed his cheek into the palm, savoring in sheer delight from the touch, teal eyes sliding shut. His grasp tightened as Sora shifted to straddle his legs around the officer's waist, throwing his arms around Riku's shoulders - who nearly lost his balance as the brunette embraced him forcefully. And Sora just started to sob, and Roxas could tell Riku was having a hard time containing his own tears.

The blond turned around as Riku met Sora's wet lips in haste, the urgency heightened with the knowledge they really only had a couple of minutes.

Riku broke apart from their kiss, wiping the brunette's tears away with his thumb. "You just had to join the company with the highest death toll, didn't you?"

"It's just where we ended up." Sora choked out. "I wanted to be with you."

"I'm working with the engineers, not the infantry." Riku sighed, pulling at Sora's chin to kiss him chastely, and giving him a half-hearted smile. "Come back, okay? We still have to argue about how stupid I think the two of you are."

That brought on a whole new series of tears, as Sora clutched frantically at the taller male's shoulders, not wanting the moment to end.

"You have to go." Riku stated grimly, reassuringly running a hand through the brunette's missing locks. "I cannot wait until we can grow out our hair again."

"I love you." The brunette interrupted, forcefully pulling at Riku's collar, knowing he was incapable of explaining why his proclamation of love was so instrumental in that moment.

"Me too, Sora. I love you more than words could express. I want to spend every waking moment with you once this war is over, please-"

"Privates!" Sergeant Court called from outside the tent. "Sir, I apologize for interrupting, we just got a report the enemy is preparing to move. We need to leave now!"

Roxas turned around to pull at Sora's shoulder, who didn't seem to even hear anything other than Riku in that moment.

"We have to go." Roxas forcefully pulled again, earning a glare, which quickly softened into acknowledgment. The blond glanced away as they kissed again, waiting until they parted and stood before he tried to assure Riku. "I'll make sure he comes back in one piece."

Riku nodded, "you have to come back too, Rox."

The Sergeant was at the tent again, this time rustling with the entrance and bursting in. "I'm sorry, Sir-"

"Yes, it's fine, they're on their way." Riku turned away from them, resuming his earlier position next to the map model of Port Royal, not venturing a look towards the entrance until he was alone again. He felt his chest heave, closing his eyes firmly. Four hours, that's all.

 **…**

Roxas couldn't breathe, his rifle felt like a hundred pounds in his arms. They'd been running for nearly two hours to their position, finally coming upon their destination and it was a disaster. There were dead bodies everywhere, and he couldn't tell if they were enemy or friendly. He saw a dismounted unit engaging the enemy from the North, and felt a pain in his chest. He had overheard Riku telling the Sergeant that Lieutenant Sparkswas leading the hasty attack, but this looked like a trap. He could see the lanky figure of a man standing at a distance as men moved forward, and his breathing was even more constricted. He barely heard the Sergeant yell at them to remain in place while they awaited further orders; all sense going out the window as a swarm of enemies appeared from a trench and rushed the unit. They were frightfully outnumbered, and Roxas couldn't sit back and watch it happen, that wasn't what he was there for!

"PRIVATE!" He heard the screaming, heard Sora yelling out to him, but his legs defied all logic, propelling him towards the north end of the battlefield. He briefly turned around to look back, happy to see the entire company had started to follow. Perhaps the order had come down to engage, or they were filled with need to help their brethren, either way Roxas didn't feel alone.

They were closing in, able to assist in pushing the enemy back, but they were still desperately out-manned. The blond faced away from where he'd seen what might've been Axel, aiming his weapon at an enemy that was barreling towards him. He tried to maintain his stability as the rifle recoiled when he fired. Feeling invigorated as the enemy dropped like a ton of bricks, he stumbled backwards, a twisted smile coming to his lips. He aimed at another, sharpshooting his way through multiple enemies until his weapon just... wouldn't fire. Roxas stared down at it, overwhelmed by the ineptitude of it all. He didn't know what to do. He saw the enemy peak out over the trench, and Roxas couldn't move. The rest of his company were all trained on their own arcs of fire, ignorant to the malfunction. He turned to run, but by the time he heard the shot it was much too late.

He collapsed into the ground, the pain instantaneous. It felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest, literally and figuratively. He clutched at where the impact had been, retreating his hand to see it was drenched in blood. He heard Sora scream out from a short distance away, but Roxas couldn't lift himself to see what for. He hoped desperately his brother was screaming for him, not for being wounded too. He heard shots go off next to him, overtaking his own arcs of fire he'd left abandoned. He could only hear ringing afterwards, from a mix of the world around him blurring, or to the sounds of a rifle being shot above him, he couldn't decipher which.

The blond heard his name being belted out above him, felt someone shaking his shoulder, but couldn't see a thing. He tried to open his eyes, but they were much too heavy. The ringing in his ears died down, as he tried to focus on improving at least one sense. All he could pay attention to was the warm pain spreading throughout his body, spiraling him into shock.

"Roxas, can you hear me?"

The blond barely registered Axel's voice, pulling him from a near unconscious state. He tried to open his eyes, small slits finally forced open. Roxas wanted to yell at him to get out of there, leave him be, they were still the middle of an attack, but the redhead was on his knees, pulling at the blond's dying form like it was only the two of them. Roxas couldn't say a damn word, anytime he tried, blood bubbled in his throat, spewing from his lips.

The look Axel gave him caused more anguish than the bullet did.

Then it's the look he gets when he feels Axel yanked away from him, bullet slamming him into the ground, that forces the adrenaline through his veins. Roxas pushes himself onto his elbows, reaching for the redhead who had been thrown a few feet away by the impact of the shotgun shell. It takes several seconds before Axel comes to, frantically searching around himself. He can't push through the pain to shift from being on his back, it's too much. He sees Roxas in his peripheral, who's still trying to crawl in prone towards him. Axel outstretches his arm, meeting the blond's hand.

"Can you hear me?" Axel asks again, feeling like cement is being poured down his throat. Roxas nods, trying to squeeze the other's hand, but is too weak to properly do so. Squeeze three times and it means I love you. "I love you, Rox."

Roxas can't stop the tears, even though he's fairly certain they'd been falling for some time. His vision is going in and out of blackness, forecasting just how little time there was now.

" _In another life_." Axel's beautiful, somber smile was the last thing he saw.

 **end**.


End file.
